Forever out of place

I have been wanting to re-listen to this song for a couple of days. It's from 2-3 years ago, I think...

Yesterday I decided I wanted to have people for dinner. So, I called my two sisters. And I had them, my brother in law (only one, the other had to work), little niece, and my lovely bf, of course. And after a mozzarella and olives entree, a rich rice salad, my meatloaf and brother in law's grilled fish, arugola salad with small tomatoes, pineapple, icecream with whipped cream, coffee, and above all a wanderful bottle of white wine, we all went to bed very full and very happy!

Today I am loving... The girls at work, who are all so helpful even if they don't have to. I am working on something new, an analysis that requires an instrument I have never worked on, and I am learning so much from all of them! Mom who goes to the farmer's market every Thu morning and buys me (and sister) fresh fruit and veggies. She even tailors the content of our bags: she gives zucchini to sis (I don't like them) and kiwis to me (sis doesn't like them, I do)! The restaurant at work. We have free lunch every day, and it's usually a pretty good and filling lunch. I am not gaining weight only because I am walking so much more at work! Granma. I think of her every day. I found the letters she wrote to me when I was in the US, and I can't read them without crying. She was so sweet and loving... Aunt, who was tidying up her house, told me she is going to give me back the letters I sent to granma in reply. I want to keep them all together. New flowers for my balco

Both started with a phone call with mom. In Jan, I called her - she told me sister was going to have a C-section: her baby had a very very faint heartbeat. We left immediately to go to the hospital. I remember riding the bike which Luca was driving, thinking a lot during the ride - what if something goes wrong for sis or for little niece? There was a demonstration, streets were closed, and we had to take the longest possible way to get there. We entered the hospital, and mom said: Anastasia was born at 6 pm! After a while, they let us in, and I saw for the first time that little thing, and immediately fell in love. And I was so happy riding back home! I was thinking to all the toys and cute clothes I was going to buy for her! Fri night, mom called me. She told granma had lost consciousness. They were taking her to an hospital in Rome, since it the town hospital, where she was, they couldn't do anything. We rode the bike there, and I was already crying. But I had stopped when I got

Yesterday started off in an usual way: I got a phone call from the University: they wanted to make sure which one was the mailing address they'll send a certified mail (I don't live in my "official" apartment, but I indicated its address on the application, while I wrote my real address on the envelope). Which means, that the certified mail they are going to send me is probably the score I got at the written part of their selection for a lab technician. If I have passed it, I'll soon have to take the oral exam. Ad I was so glad, thinking "if I have passed the written part, and will pass the oral too, I am quitting this job and going there". Then, my two bosses came, at different times, several times, asking me to search for some specific papers (which I had already found and read in the last days) and telling them a brief synthesis. It's about something they needed to know for a meeting with a company which had asked them to produce a new formulation

The last two days at work were a little better than last week. We were really busy, but the best part is that we are trying to do something none of the other two girls on this project has ever tried, so we are all new to that, and working together to figure out the best conditions. I really cannot complain about my new colleagues. They are all extremely kind and helpful. Only, I feel left a bit out, because I just joined the group. It was really different with my ex-colleagues, since we all started together... What really bothers me, is how this work situation is spilling over every other aspect of my life. I am always tired and slightly depressed, so when I get back home I don't really spend time talking with bf or doing things with him, even just a movie or a drink out. And I see he is really helpless: I know he'd like to do something for me, just doesn't know what - and I don't either, since this is something I have to get out from by myself. I find he really tries t

I have been feeling really down lately. It's mainly because of the new job: it's extremely boring, there are days when I really have nothing to do, I don't even have a computer to read scientific papers, and I miss my ex-colleagues a lot. I talked to one of them, some minutes ago, and she gave me some good suggestions. I am mainly scared by how bad I am taking this whole story: I am having anxiety attaks at night, short breath, and a feeling of nausea. And I burst into tears from time to time. I am gonna take some steps tomorrow to try to solve this situation. I hope things will get better...