I don't know....I wonder this myself all the time. I usually try to give some time alone (unless he specifically asks that I don't leave) so we can both have time to think and re-approach the subject when we're less upset (tears have dried, heart rates have gone down).I'm sorry you're having a rough time!
I think it depends on his persoanity and wht the problem is. I know when we have fights (not serious ones, but enought to yell) I prefer to be left along to cool off, and he prefers to talk it out (which inevitable leads to a bigger fight, since I try to go away and he follows me...)
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