Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Thoughts and questions.




 Baby Girl



I didn't think that being pregnant would take me to a whole new level of doubting and questioning myself/my choices.

I guess the most amazing thing is that I never ever questioned my will to start working again as soon as I can (in Italy we are lucky enough to have a 5 month paid maternity leave), and husband is very ok with this. I guess having around my mom and female relatives who didn't even think about NOT going back to work shaped my thinking when I was little. And with this I don't intend to criticize women who didn't go back to work. I am just saying it wouldn't be the best choice for me. To each their own.
My doubts are more in the form of health/general well being.
Being pregnant pushed me to think about my own well being. It made me realize that before anything else I have to care of myself, to be able to care about the little one too. So if I feel like I am tired, I need to sleep, I don't need another cup of coffee (also because I can't stand the smell of coffee, but you get the point). And if I have to decide what to have for dinner, I realize that it's better for the little one if I feel my plate with fresh vegetables - after all vitamins can do her only good!
And my mom keeps telling me that I have to stay relaxed as much as possible - or else I'll pay for my stress after the baby is born and won't sleep!
But the worst is to think about the after.
I know there are some things I want the little girl to get used to, to learn, to see. There is a whole world to explore and learn, and I want her to see it in the best possible way. But will I be too pushy? Too mild? And where do you draw the line between pushy and mild? What if she doesn't like vegetables? How do I recognize what she really loves to do (be it a sport, a job, an art form) and let her pursuit her love? How do I not pass to her my anxiety about stupid things that nobody knows if will ever happen? How do I make her grow a strong accomplished woman? How do I make her realize that she is beautiful regardless of her weight, height or hair color?

There is nothing better than pregnancy to stir up a bundle of questions. But I am sure we'll all be right.

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