When I was sixteen, something happened - actually, it was more like a series of small things which I am not going to list now - and slowly but steadily I begun eating less and less. In about 4 months, I was very skinny (I wasn't fat to start with), and not the "you're skinny, you can wear that" kind of skinny, it was more like the "OMG, are you sick?" kind of skinny.
My mom first tried to force me to eat, then understood there was an underlying problem in my behavior, and sent me to a specialist. Actually, even her and dad had to endure several sessione, so kudos to her for doing this for me, especially since in a small town, going to a psychologist/psychiatrist, is still a social stigma. I have another relative who didn't want to ask for help for her daughter because it wouldn't look good to show that this girl had a problem!
It wasn't an easy fix.
It took me several years to overcome my food problems. I was going from overeating to undereating for long periods, and I wasn't happy of this, but I really was feeling powerless. There was something bigger than me I couldn't beat!
Funny thing is, I started eating better and having a stable weight when I started not to care about this anymore.
It was so hard to realize I could eat anything I wanted, only, if I listened to my body, who had become silent for so many years, I could realize when it was enough. I understood that it is not a shame to eat in public. That the day didn't have necessarily to rotate around what/when I'd eat.
I found life is so much more interesting than my weight.
I found people are so much more than their weight.
This is very personal, and I don't often talk about it, but it was an introduction for what I am going to write next.
First, this commercial:
For the non-italian speakers, the brunette girl refuses to go take a swim (this part is not shown in this video) because she says she feels bloated. The blonde suggests the advertised yougurt, and the happy ending is shown in the last scene, where the brunette has lost that ugly caftan and is wearing a bikini.
Now, the first question than comes to my mind is - do I have to be perfect to wear a bikini? Thinking back, there are about 5 days a year when I am feeling "perfect". Which means - I am not concentrating on the softness on my hips, or a lack of tone on my arms, or my round belly, and so on.
So, on the remaining 360 days of the year - should I cover myself up with a caftan?
When I start having these doubts, the way out is to look around. At all those beautiful woman bodies that surrond us. On the beach, I could count on my finger the women that respond to the definition of "perfect". But the others are not less beautiful. Especially the ones who inhabit their body with confidence, showing their force and their personality. It's in the attitude, not in the clothing!
Really, it took me so many years to realize this - but just looking at other women I realize how beautiful they all are - and I feel beautiful myself!