Friday, July 11, 2008

Doubts and questions

I am not sure how this whole thing is going to end.
It is pretty typical.
We see each other, then he disappears. He could at least reply to my message,but, oh well... Guess it's a matter of politeness.

What scares me is the sea of doubts and questions he threw over me.
Why did it happen?
What was I looking for?
What does it mean?
And, especially,
what am I supposed to do now?

For the other person who loves me (or at least says so) and I though I wanted to spend my life with?

Am I immature?
I was so convinced at this point of my life I want a family and kids.
But I am not so sure anymore.
I want again the excitement of the unknown.
I want to learn new things
I want to meet new people

Are there two of me?
One of which is hidden deep inside and occasionally comes out and messes up everything the other one has patiently built?

Or is it the same person full of contradictions, and especially, deeply confused.

Really, I don't know who I am, anymore.

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