Thursday, July 24, 2008


Which means... Things I Love Thursday. It's an idea I took from gala (, but I haven't done in a while.
This perhaps the right moment, since I am in deep depression and having a terribe itchy allergic reaction... to life, I guess, since there woulnd't be any physical reason for my big red blotches that appear and disappear as they please, with much suffering (for me) in between. So, it's time to do a little gratitude exercise for the good things that nontheless are present in my life.

Without further esitation, here are the things I am loving today

1) my pharmacist, first of all, who gave me these pills that should chase away my allergy and make my day more relaxed as a consequence.
2) my cousin who just got back from London and is coming with me to take a long nice walk tomorrow evening.
3) bf, who is so patient and supportive I almost cannot believe it
4) eggplants! I am going to prepare them for dinner, stuffed with potatoes and cheese. Besides, I just love their violet color.
5) the absence of mosquitoes here in the town, even if they make it up for their absence every time I sleep in Rome
6)granma who buys cheese and prosciutto for me, even though I am not yet totally broken, because she says I have to eat a little to face life's challenges

these are the main things, but there are so much more...

Monday, July 21, 2008


It's night and I am supposed to figure out what a synchrotron is.
But of course Kelly ( tagged me, so here it is:

1. What are the last three things you purchased?
-A new laptop
-A magazine
-Pizza (I know, I am sad)

2. What are the last thee songs you downloaded?
-I downloaded a whole album - Burattino senza fili

3. Where were the last three places you visited?-Scauri (South Lazio)

4. What are your three favorite movies?-Dreams (Kurosawa)
-The Seventh Seal (Bergman)
-Ehm... Flashdance(probably watched it 50 times)

5. What are your three favorite possessions? -Granfather's watch
-a computer key - from an old keyboard. BF sent it to me when I was in USA, complaining that on my american computer there are no accented Es. So, he sent me that key.
-my guitar

6. What three things can you not live without?-my laptop
-my camera

7. What would be your three wishes?-To finally get a job and relax
-Have my bf find a job as a journalist
-Finally get my music degree!

8. What are three things you have not done yet?-Gotten a degree in mechanical engineering
-Driven a motorcycle in the traffic
-Gone to London

9. What are your three favorite dishes?-Pasta with my mom's pesto
-pizza any kind

10. What three celebrities would you want to hang out with the most?-George Clooney - I think besides being gorgeous he is also funny and very very pleasant
-Voltaire (does he count?)
-Louis Armstrong

11. Name three things that freak you out.-big hairy bubbly spiders
-big black roaches

12. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

13. Name three unusual things you are good at.-remembering dates - any weird date
-crossing my fingers the weirdest way
-that's all -I am boring

14. What are three things you are currently coveting?-a job
-a nice job
-a nice writing job

15. What three bloggers would you like tag?

Marjorie (

Friday, July 18, 2008

Back to square one.

It's - let's restart everything all over again - time.
I got a phone call yesterday. The job I was supposed to start today, cannot be started. A signature is missing from the contract.
So, no job. Nobody knows when this signature is gonna be put.
In the meantime, I am jobless.

I am seriously speechless.
It's not like someone is giving me a favor.
I passed 3 selections, I am on the list of people that have been selected.
What the f***k is wrong with this country?
25 persons are not getting their salary because someone fogot to sign?

All I know is that I have to start all over again searching for another job. And this time, I am not doing that while working and earning money.
I really do need a job now.

I am so frustrated, it's even difficult to explain...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Let's have fun!

Yesterday I went to have a chat with a professor in the mechanic and aeronautic engineering dept at the university where I got my degree. He was really kind to meet me and explain me the new system, which I am not really familiar with.

It's nice that I might be able to transfer about 50 credits from my other degree, that is all the maths, phys, chem and a couple of other exams, probably industrial chemical plants. So I can go on with more specific (and interesting) exams. I mean, why should I re-study partial derivatives, if I have already done that...
I thought it'd be a little akward to be there, among young students, but after all I do work at the university now, so I see these young kids every day.

But the nicest thing (which also reminded me of a post by Kelly (, was when he asked me - why do you want to get another degree?
And I replied - just for fun!
He appeard somehow relieved, as he said that's a good reason, otherwise another degree is useless.

And when I was leaving, he said to me, when I thanked him: you're welcome, and have fun!

How nice!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Words to live by...

"You Learn"

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Yesterday and today I had the first two lessons of - motorcyle driving.
Man, the muscles in my legs are hurting! I didn't expect that thing to be so heavy.
But it is sooo much fun!

The best part was the public: I was in a big parking lot, with a cafe on one side, and the incoming cars, instead of just parking and go on with their business, would just stop there and stare at me.
I mean, get the heck out of my way! I am dangerous!!!
But of course a girl on a bike is news material, in the town!

Then I had two construction workers watching me from the fence, and a kid on a little bike getting in my way multiple times. I think he hasn't realized he was risking his own life.

But all was well. I was able to change up to the third gear, not without jumps and coughs from the bike... the poor thing!

And I am gonna tellya: even tho nobody believes me, sooner or later I am gonna drive a Yamaha R1. Don't know when, don't know how, but I am gonna do it!


Friday, July 11, 2008

Doubts and questions

I am not sure how this whole thing is going to end.
It is pretty typical.
We see each other, then he disappears. He could at least reply to my message,but, oh well... Guess it's a matter of politeness.

What scares me is the sea of doubts and questions he threw over me.
Why did it happen?
What was I looking for?
What does it mean?
And, especially,
what am I supposed to do now?

For the other person who loves me (or at least says so) and I though I wanted to spend my life with?

Am I immature?
I was so convinced at this point of my life I want a family and kids.
But I am not so sure anymore.
I want again the excitement of the unknown.
I want to learn new things
I want to meet new people

Are there two of me?
One of which is hidden deep inside and occasionally comes out and messes up everything the other one has patiently built?

Or is it the same person full of contradictions, and especially, deeply confused.

Really, I don't know who I am, anymore.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Relaxing Sunday

So, today I went around to look for picture-worthy subjects, together with my love.
I haven't done that for months, now. I fogot how much I like it.

And I am especially happy L came with me. He is usually depressed on Sunday because of the impellent start of the work week, but he's on vacation tomorrow, so he was so happy and enthousiastic to do things and go places.

FIrst, I took some pictures of the Tuscolo hill.

Then, we went to Frascati, took some more pictures, then went look at a small fair. There was one especially beautyful stand, and I had to take a pic of that too!

Then some well deserved shopping. All in one morning!!!

I loved it today, it was so refreshing for me to spend a day like this again...

Friday, July 4, 2008

Coming back

So, today I went to take a walk in the town. Doing some errands.
It's really funny.
This is the town I grew up, I went to grade school, and I lived for the first 25 years of my life.
And I came back about 10 days ago. In my new apartment (who was my granfather's, but has been renewed) I still don't have a table, matching chairs, and the "office" room still needs t be assembled.

It's strange to walk around.

Things havent' changed much, faces have changed even less. I don't know who they are, but I have already seen them

It has been difficult for me to come back here, in this place. I don't like the thinking schemes of most of the people who live here.
The same people could be found anywhere else.
The difference is that here I know them.

I know about the very smart girl who had to go to the high school her mom chose for her, and couldn't go to the university because that's not a place for women who get married and have children, and who has never rebeled to all this, because she was so into this way of thinking that she never considered there could be an alternative life.

I know about the girl who got admitted to the Rome Dance Academy, and who run away after a week because she couldn't stand to live on her own, because here in Italy they teach you you should always be close to your family, it's not good to go too far from them.
This drives me crazy.

And I know so many other stories like these... where the laziness, the blind acceptance of the fate is outraging.

And then, there is me.
I feel like a snob, here, sometimes.
I am the one who was never content with what the place would offer, who decided to move to the States, to come back, to live with her boyfriend without getting married - a scandal!
Who is about to refuse a remunerative 2 years job offer just because she has realized that kind of job would just make her miserable.

It's funny how people look at me when I walk. I am not wearing anything different or strange. But people just turn and look at me. They try to figure out who'se daughter I am. Who I look like. Who I am.

And then... on my way home I look down towards the green valley. And then further, to the mountains. I start remembering how I missed being surrounded by trees when I was in NY. They are still there, they cover the mountains, there are some more holes than 8 years ago, but they are there.
There are fields of grass. Some houses. All is green and fresh. The colors are brighter.
And the air smells like flowers. I had forgotten the smell of my town in the summer, but I have just realized how much I missed it.

I don't know how life will be for me in this town. My move here is just one of the 1000 things that are changing for me at this time.

But I had a sudden urge to prepare my camera for more picture to take
The camera I abandoned when I got into my depression.

There are pictures to take. Of the fields, of the trees, of the green.

Before it's all gone.
Before I am gone again


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