Wednesday, December 31, 2008

almost here...




2009 is almost here.
And of course, being the introvert cancer I am, I cannot avoid thinking about what has happened this year.

It has been a year full of events. Of hypothesis on the future. The announcement of sister's pregnancy is the perfect example of a thing started in 2008 and that with be accomplished in the coming year. But there are so many others...

I started this new job, after much struggle and delay. I love being here, and love the people I work with. I really hope to be confirmed in this position. But if not, working here I have come up with some new ideas on what to do with my life.

I left the old job and the ah of a boss I had there, and I couldn't be more glad I did it!

I have had so much trouble with bf... It didn't come out of nowhere, but it has been a long and difficult process to come out of that moment... We are both feeling better, now, and he is so sweet to me... Hope we come to a happy ending.

I have heard from my NY friend I hadn't talked to since I left the States... It was such a warm feeling to hear her voice...

Overall, I have learned that I am much stronger than I gave myself credit for. Bf often repeats, that I seem so frail, but then I always come out well from the worse situation and I am good at starting new things!

I am still thinking about what are my new year resolution - or better, new yaer goals. May be I'll come up with some before tonight...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Almost Christmas!




I am extremely tired, since I have spent the last weekends walking around in Rome looking at stores.
I have to confess: I was not looking for gifts, because I took care of them pretty early, but I just felt like I couldn't miss the beauty of the city at this time of the year. I begged bf to come take a walk with me last saturday and the one before, after dinner. I had to see Piazza Navona, with all the decorations and full of people, Trastevere, Fontana di Trevi... I just love this city!
And I am not one of those people who get the christmas blues. I am happy to buy gifts for people I love and I care for, I can't wait to spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with my family, including my cousin who lives in London and her sister who has been living in Venice 'til now.
I can't wait to see bf's face when I'll give him my present, a ticket to a concert at the Auditorium (an one for me, too!)
And can't wait to go to work tomorrow, and whish Merry Christmas to everybody.

I am so tired, and I can't wait for tomorrow to come!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thing I Love Thursday!!!!



It's Thursday, again! Already! Time for some happiness and love! And I should start doing this more regularly...
This thing I am loving...

  • Finding an email from my dearest friend A., who I met in NY and who still lives there. I really enjoy hearing what has happened to her lately, love the fact that she spent the night reading my blog after I gave her the link, and hope she can manage to do what she wants by next fall!!!
  • My colleagues. One of the two persons I share the office with, a guy, came back from his coffee break with a chocolate for each of us girls. And they are all so nice and helpful...
  • Buying a Christmas present for bf! It's a really good one, hope it will be a surprise for him, and hope he'll enjoy it.
  • Sunny weather in Rome. It's much easier to shop without rain, isn't it?
  • The smell of tangerines when I open them. For me, that's the smell of Christmas. Bonus point if I eat them by the fireplace at my parents', throwing the shell in the fire.
  • Granma who patiently re-thaught me how to knit. I had the yarn, the needles, so why not use them?
  • Life in general. I am so happy and restless right now, it's almost scary!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Reason # 86149 why I love being back to Italy...


At least 3 days a week, I pass by the St. Peter's Cathedral on my way to work...

Monday, December 1, 2008

December!!!


I can't believe it is December already!!! It feels like 2008 began yesterday. It went so fast, I feel like I missed a couple of months...

I really have to start buying presents. My sister was suggesting I don't buy any, because of the world (and my) difficult economic situation. But I think we gotta help the economy by not stopping buying things, plus we usually give each other one small gift, so none of us should break the bank...

I also want to think about new years resolutions, or better, new years goals. And about all I did this year, which was a lot.


On another front. It's incredible how a job you hate can make life miserable. I remember this time last year, when it was really hard for me to get up in the morning. And I had just started that job! And it just got worse with time.

Now that I have a new job, I can't really say I am happy to wake up early in the morning, but the idea of going to work is not dreadful anymore, it's almost pleasant!

Reason # 58206 why I love being back to Italy...


My dad buying me very good, rich, dark chocolate... and giving it to me on the sly!!!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Job Update



I waited to have signed a contract and to have started before sending the word out, but I finally have a decent job!
It's the same I should have started in July, the only difference is this time is for one year instead of six months, then we'll see what they do of us.
Speaking of "us", we were supposed to be 25. They hired only five of the selected 25, instead.

The list is fun:

  • A chemist (that'd be me)
  • A biologist
  • An agronimist (don't even know if this word exists oin english, just made it up)
  • An aerospacial engineer
  • A telecommunication engineer

All of the seem very nice. We are two girls and three boys.

Among the perks of this job: it's in a very central area of rome, Via Veneto is down the street, Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountains and Via del Corso at walking distance. With lots of stores in between, where I am gonna spend all my first check.

They'll send us around EU to take some classes on the subject too, but we don't know when yet.

I am pretty happy for now, let's see what happens in the future!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Things I love Thursday



It's Thursday again (man, last week flew by!) and time for some gratitude!
Today I love...

  • Apples! The small little apples from a small field that belong to granma. They are really small (about 1/3 of a normal apple) and green and not too shiny, but so delicious!
  • Going to Lucca on Sunday. To see the comics expo. Hope it'll be nice weather (or at least not this crappy) and we'll have enough time to go see beautiful Ilaria del Carretto in the Cathedral...
  • Trashy italian music from the '80. It's so fun...
  • Edoardo Bennato! I just re-discovered him. A great musician and a great singer.
  • Fall! It's here finally. Ok, the weather has been crappy and rainy and windy. But I couldn't stand the heat anymore!
  • My last 2 days at this job. I am sad of leaving, really sad. But the new job is supposed to be exciting and interesting.
  • Having to choose what to wear for new job. I can't wear jeans, so may be this time all other things in the closet (skirts, pants, shirts, and especially... nice shoes!) will get some use! And this brings me to...
  • My new shoes! Kind gift from mom. I should post a picture. I love them.
That's all for now... What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A full closet, and nothing to wear.

This morning, the funniest things happened.
I stayed at bf's place last night. And today, he was trying to get dressed, staring at the open wardrobe and drawers, and screaming it's not possible he has no cotton sweathers he can wear in this period of the year. I pulled out a cotton sweather, and he screamed that one doesn't match the shirt he was wearing.
ahahahahah
He was having an oh-so-girly empty-closet syndrome!
I tried to manage not to laugh at him (I mean, what's the problem? Change your shirt, and this afternoon you just go out and buy a cotton sweather you can wear with the first shirt. Right?), and after having listened to good five minutes of swear words of various type and kind, I offered to go buy a cotton sweather for him, that would go well with the famous shirt, provided he'd tell me the maximum amount he wants to spend.
He said he wants to buy it by himslef. Fair enough.

But it's too funny. Instead of desperate, as a woman would be, he was mad.
Besides, he could have changed his shirt...

Monday, October 27, 2008

Yeee!

I did it. I was able to re-enable comment posting.
I have no idea what happened, comments got turned off...
Thanks Kelly for noticing it!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Another song

Don't know what got into me today. I have spent the last 2 hours listening to italian songs from the 80s.

Love this one!

Album of the Day

Today I am Loving "Burattino Senza Fili" by Edoardo Bennato. It's a 1977 album, but I love the songs, what they mean, and the fact that they sound so "modern"!
These are my favourites.



What do you think? Even if you don't understand the words, just listen to the music...

Passeggiata a Trastevere




Today I had the morning off. And I decided to take the bus and get lost in Trastevere.
Trastevere is a borough of Rome, not too far from bf's apartment, and its name means "at the other side of the Tiber (Rome's river)". The other side with respect to other famous places, such as Piazza Navona, or the Spanish Steps, or the Colosseum...
So, after an uneventful bus ride, about 5 minutes long (I was expecting a mess in front of the School and University Ministry, since there have been demonstrations this week), I get off and head for the small, cobbled streets that have made Trastevere famous. I pass by the church of Santa Maria in Trastevere, by the place where last Saturday I spent the night until 3 am, the Doors blasting, drinks pouring, even after it closed (my girlfriend is close friend with the owner, so we stayed in after they closed the doors), and started my walk in the vicoli, the narrow streets. Such a contrast between morning time and Saturday night. Most of the resturants/pubs were closed. Few people walking around, sitting at cafés, displays of fruits and vegetables outside stores, some shops open, with their delightful (and very expensive!!!) offerings of clothes, bags, shoes, chocolate and gourmet food. I start walking in the "Vicolo del Bologna", which becomes narrower while the buildings seem to grow taller. Squares of sun and shadow alternate on the cobblestones. Plants grow on the wall. And suddenly this strong smell. I recognize it: it's pasta sfoglia (something similar to phillo paste, but not quite), it all its buttery gloriousness.
Then the street end in another, larger one. More people walk by. I notice an old lady (about 60) with a black suit jacket, floral long flowy skirt, and a cloche. She looks lovely.
And a bike passes very close to me. An older lady is riding: white short air, black pants, extremely elegant. I want to be like her when I am 70.
I have walked for a while now. I head towards Viale Trastevere, where I can take my bus. I pass in front of the Ministry again. I hear a lonely voice, someone left a recorder. It keeps repeating.
"Stella, parlami" (Stella, talk to me).
Stella is MariaStella Gelmini, secretary for school and university affairs. She doesn't want to talk to the protesters. She says they're all terrorists.
It's a sad scene.
But the sun is shining, it smells food, and I feel like smiling. It's a beautiful Friday!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Things I Love Thursday!



It's Things I Love Thursday again!
I should do it more often, I find it is a nice gratitude exercise...
What do I love today?

  • My job, that allows me to take free ballet classes, teach music to two little children, look from time to time at the gym instructors (yum!) and have espresso for free!
  • Boyfriend, as always, who hugs me at night when I am too anxious to sleep. And cooks for me when I come home late. And parks my car while I am having dinner... I feel really really lucky!
  • Shopping with sister! We kept saying to each other, this morning - I am not coming with you anymore: look how much I spent!
  • Little niece who is coming in Jan. I am so happy and excited, I have already chosen presents for her!
  • And my new sweather. Pics to come soon.
  • Mom's vegetable soup. It's the best lunch in this almost fall day. It's so comforting...
  • Free morning tomorrow! I think I'll take a long walk to Trastevere, look at the windows of the small boutiques/shops, may be buy some little sweet thing to eat for dessert, and come back by bus.
Life is lovely, isn't it?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fall?


The sky it's getting cloudy, days are not long anymore, but fall, with its chilly days and blue skys doesn't want to come. It's still too warm to wear boots, and wool, and coats.

I really am missing fall in Buffalo, with its blue skys and red and yellow leaves. It seemed nature wanted to say goodbye to everybody before going to sleep under a blanket of snow (a thick blanket of snow).


I made the first season's apple cake (not a pie!), last saturday, and that gave me an extreme satisfaction.

Days seem to pass by so fast, without anything really happening.

But some things are happening...


I sent the application for a job in Milan, which I am never going to accept, I just go there to do a nice presentation and hope that someone of the committee is going to need me in a place closer to Rome.

I went out on Sat, and for the first time in years I got back at 3:30 am. It was fun, but I am too old for that. I wonder how our friends can do that every saturday!

Did my second music lesson to a 5 years old kid. This time, I think I made it fun for him. He was particularly happy when he realized what he was playing on the piano was the same little song we learned last week. And seems like I'll have another little student next week, a little girl this time.

I started to play again yesterday. I should become serious about this too, and when I have a decent job, find a teacher than can take me to my last exam. That would be so satisfying!
At work we don't have phone line nor internet. So yesterday was a VERY boring day! No customers, no internet, nothing to read...
Today I'll take with me "The Great Gatsby". Time to get to this book, anyway...


I posted this picture I took 2 years ago at a park in Williamsville, near Buffalo. I loved every thing of that little park: the waterfall, the little ponf with ducks, and especially the red house. And here she is particularly beautiful with the fall-colored trees.


I am particularly nostalgic today...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Dancing!!!

Love this song.
It makes me want to jump around like a kid.
It's pure sillyness!

WTF???


Well, here how it goes.
I reply to an ad. They were looking for a secretary, excellent english, excellent use of the computer, good standing, attitude to work in team and with customers. They ask to send a resumé with pic.
I send the resumé, the cover letter, etc. After about a week they reply to my email asking for things that are already written on my resumé. Things such as - address, phone number, birth date. So I think- these people are not even able to open attachments - but I reply again.
Then, yesterday evening, another email. They ask if I am available to work as the manager's personal assistant, I have to assure them that I am vey reserved, willing to travel for work both in Italy and abroad, willing to work in strict contact with the manager and do a trial perod to know each other better.
Ah, and - please send more pictures, both face and whole body.

WTF!!! What is this supposed to mean?
I am sick and tired of that. Of people calling me because I have sent my resumé, who ask where I live (it's written there) or what is my degree in(it's written there too) or if I have ever worked in that field (that is written there, also). What is a resumé for?
And then people offering apparently a nice job. I'd really like to go to the interview with the above guys, and take with me a friend of mine. Who is a policeman.

Doesna girl need a bodyguard to be safe while seeking a job???

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Up and down

I really hate this expression... but I have been on an emotional roller-coaster this last month.
I have found a job but is far from home, pays very little, and I am extremely overqualified for it.
But it's a job, nonetheless, and it's not like I have an alternative. So, I had to take it. Besides, people who work here are very nice, and I can take my ballet class for free. And teach music ed to a kid, which is always fun.
And - another of the job perks: I can turn my head and admire the perfection of one of the personal trainers at any time.

Yesterday I got the news that I owe the university 617 euros, for a mistake they made on payments. This is more than I am gonna earn this month. Besides, they didn't pay me for 2 weeks, in April, for some obscure bureaucratic reasons, and there's nothing I can do for this.
Did I mention - 600 euros really do make a difference for me now?

Boyfriend is extremely supportive. Incredibly suportive. Like the time he hug me at night, when I was crying. It's just that sometimes I think the whole situation is too much for me, and I can't take it anymore...

People from the job I should have started last July called me, finally. Looks like some things are moving, and may be sooner or later they might actually hire me. Today a girl from the place called me and asked for the place I was born and my "social security number" to put on the contract. So, I am hoping for the best- but not too much.

Sister is expecting a baby girl. But lately she hasn't felt well, so we all got very scared. Doctor said it's nothing to worry about, but she has to learn to stay at home and lay (not easy for her).

That's all for now. I'd love to go to theatre or to a concert, but money is very tight.
I know I have to concentrate on things I do have (including my apartment), but sometimes it's so hard, and I'd really like to just go out and go shopping.
Oh well...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Definitely a nerd.

Yes, I can't hide it, I am a nerd.
Here. It's official.
Yesterday morning I was sitting on the bed. Near me, I had a Fornarina catalogue, and my organic chemistry book.
And my hand went grabbing the book.
And a "nerd" neon sign suddenly appeard to me.
What can I do, I love things that make sense. And although organic chem seems to not make any, after careful studying and reviewing, it does.
And I am so happy when my student writes a formula I don't remember and I can immediately catch the mistake in it, because it's clear, it cannot make sense written as it is.
May be I should have titled this post "the joys of chemistry?"

PS - I went to the Fornarina store after reading my book, so I am partially redeemed, I guess

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Pointless food post (but it was good!!!)

Today it was such a boring day... so in the afternoon I went to Frascati to windowshop, only to discover that about half of the stores in the town are closed for vacation!
But at least I bought some bread. It was such a beautiful bread, that I knew immediately I had to use it to make bruschetta.
Bruschetta is pretty much just toasted bread, better if done on the barbecue, after you are done cooking meat, but I only have a oven for now, so I made do.
You can put everything you like on top, from simple salt and olive oil, to olive or mushroom paste.
I chose tomato salad. It really was delicious, even more because the olive oil I used was made by my uncle, who has olive trees and makes from them enough oil for his family. And you can really taste the difference.
And the basil, was mine, from by balcony.
I love this kind of things, going out on the balcony and getting basil, or red pepper, or rosemary. Reminds me of when I was younger, when I'd cut all the veggies I could find to make soup, then go to my mom's garden and choose what herbs I felt like adding to it. It was good, different every time. But I digress.
The bruschetta was good!

Here's the result:



You can see how beautifully round-shaped was the bread.
I had that for dinner, some cheese and a peach. Loved it!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Following the steps of Ancient Romans

This morning, in a burst of enthusiasm, and because it looked like the day ahead would be warm and sunny but not excessively hot, bf and I decided to hike the Via Sacra (the Sacred Path), a roman path which used to join the Appia Street to a Jupiter sanctuary. This place is about 15 minutes drive from where I live, a nice area south of Rome, where since ancient times people from the eternal city used to come on vacation.
We took the path late in the morning. I was expecting a nice easy walk, but it came out to be a real hike. I wasn't prepared for that, at least psychologically, but we made it to the place near the top where you can see the two lakes, the Albano lake and the Nemi lake.
It starts as a path in the woods. After climbing about one hour, it takes you to the real roman path. You can recognize it from the stones that constitute the street. It develops in the woods, climbing the hill and becoming steeper and steeper.
It was a really nice hike. The view at the end was totally worth the effort.
Now, stop talking and show some evidence:


This is the path itself

And this is happy me when we reached the point where we could see the two lakes (only the Albano lake is visible here, the Nemi lake would be on the left):



I should have taken a picture of the pizza we eat when we got home too, but it disappeared before I could think of it!

There are so many nice areas around here where we could go walking/hiking. The problem is that I take them for granted, and never think of going. This one hike was bf's idea, he has been asking me for weeks to take him there.
Next time, I'll try to convince bf to hike the Tuscolo hill. So, hopefully more pics to come!
Ciao!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

TILT



Which means... Things I Love Thursday. It's an idea I took from gala (http://galadarling.com/), but I haven't done in a while.
This perhaps the right moment, since I am in deep depression and having a terribe itchy allergic reaction... to life, I guess, since there woulnd't be any physical reason for my big red blotches that appear and disappear as they please, with much suffering (for me) in between. So, it's time to do a little gratitude exercise for the good things that nontheless are present in my life.

Without further esitation, here are the things I am loving today

1) my pharmacist, first of all, who gave me these pills that should chase away my allergy and make my day more relaxed as a consequence.
2) my cousin who just got back from London and is coming with me to take a long nice walk tomorrow evening.
3) bf, who is so patient and supportive I almost cannot believe it
4) eggplants! I am going to prepare them for dinner, stuffed with potatoes and cheese. Besides, I just love their violet color.
5) the absence of mosquitoes here in the town, even if they make it up for their absence every time I sleep in Rome
6)granma who buys cheese and prosciutto for me, even though I am not yet totally broken, because she says I have to eat a little to face life's challenges

these are the main things, but there are so much more...
ciao!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Procrastinating...

It's night and I am supposed to figure out what a synchrotron is.
But of course Kelly (http://proficiscamur.blogspot.com/) tagged me, so here it is:


1. What are the last three things you purchased?
-A new laptop
-A magazine
-Pizza (I know, I am sad)

2. What are the last thee songs you downloaded?
-I downloaded a whole album - Burattino senza fili

3. Where were the last three places you visited?-Scauri (South Lazio)
-Genova
-Bayreuth

4. What are your three favorite movies?-Dreams (Kurosawa)
-The Seventh Seal (Bergman)
-Ehm... Flashdance(probably watched it 50 times)

5. What are your three favorite possessions? -Granfather's watch
-a computer key - from an old keyboard. BF sent it to me when I was in USA, complaining that on my american computer there are no accented Es. So, he sent me that key.
-my guitar

6. What three things can you not live without?-my laptop
-icecream
-my camera

7. What would be your three wishes?-To finally get a job and relax
-Have my bf find a job as a journalist
-Finally get my music degree!

8. What are three things you have not done yet?-Gotten a degree in mechanical engineering
-Driven a motorcycle in the traffic
-Gone to London

9. What are your three favorite dishes?-Pasta with my mom's pesto
-pizza any kind
-mozzarella


10. What three celebrities would you want to hang out with the most?-George Clooney - I think besides being gorgeous he is also funny and very very pleasant
-Voltaire (does he count?)
-Louis Armstrong

11. Name three things that freak you out.-big hairy bubbly spiders
-big black roaches
-parachuting?

12. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
-curious
-sweet
-patient

13. Name three unusual things you are good at.-remembering dates - any weird date
-crossing my fingers the weirdest way
-that's all -I am boring

14. What are three things you are currently coveting?-a job
-a nice job
-a nice writing job

15. What three bloggers would you like tag?

Marjorie (http://myinnerfrenchgirl.blogspot.com/)
Serena http://blog.alfemminile.com/blog/see_244463_1/IO-UN-piccolisssiiiimo-DISEGNO
Rossella http://blog.alfemminile.com/blog/see_187890_1/-9829-9829-GIrRl-In-LOv-S-dI-rY-9733-9733-Mi-VOglio-di-NUOVO-RACCONTARE-9829-9829

Friday, July 18, 2008

Back to square one.

It's - let's restart everything all over again - time.
I got a phone call yesterday. The job I was supposed to start today, cannot be started. A signature is missing from the contract.
So, no job. Nobody knows when this signature is gonna be put.
In the meantime, I am jobless.

I am seriously speechless.
It's not like someone is giving me a favor.
I passed 3 selections, I am on the list of people that have been selected.
What the f***k is wrong with this country?
25 persons are not getting their salary because someone fogot to sign?

All I know is that I have to start all over again searching for another job. And this time, I am not doing that while working and earning money.
I really do need a job now.

I am so frustrated, it's even difficult to explain...


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Let's have fun!

Yesterday I went to have a chat with a professor in the mechanic and aeronautic engineering dept at the university where I got my degree. He was really kind to meet me and explain me the new system, which I am not really familiar with.

It's nice that I might be able to transfer about 50 credits from my other degree, that is all the maths, phys, chem and a couple of other exams, probably industrial chemical plants. So I can go on with more specific (and interesting) exams. I mean, why should I re-study partial derivatives, if I have already done that...
I thought it'd be a little akward to be there, among young students, but after all I do work at the university now, so I see these young kids every day.


But the nicest thing (which also reminded me of a post by Kelly (http://proficiscamur.blogspot.com/), was when he asked me - why do you want to get another degree?
And I replied - just for fun!
He appeard somehow relieved, as he said that's a good reason, otherwise another degree is useless.

And when I was leaving, he said to me, when I thanked him: you're welcome, and have fun!

How nice!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Words to live by...

"You Learn"

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Learning!




Yesterday and today I had the first two lessons of - motorcyle driving.
Man, the muscles in my legs are hurting! I didn't expect that thing to be so heavy.
But it is sooo much fun!

The best part was the public: I was in a big parking lot, with a cafe on one side, and the incoming cars, instead of just parking and go on with their business, would just stop there and stare at me.
I mean, get the heck out of my way! I am dangerous!!!
But of course a girl on a bike is news material, in the town!

Then I had two construction workers watching me from the fence, and a kid on a little bike getting in my way multiple times. I think he hasn't realized he was risking his own life.

But all was well. I was able to change up to the third gear, not without jumps and coughs from the bike... the poor thing!

And I am gonna tellya: even tho nobody believes me, sooner or later I am gonna drive a Yamaha R1. Don't know when, don't know how, but I am gonna do it!

Ciaoooooo

Friday, July 11, 2008

Doubts and questions

I am not sure how this whole thing is going to end.
It is pretty typical.
We see each other, then he disappears. He could at least reply to my message,but, oh well... Guess it's a matter of politeness.

What scares me is the sea of doubts and questions he threw over me.
Why did it happen?
What was I looking for?
What does it mean?
And, especially,
what am I supposed to do now?

For the other person who loves me (or at least says so) and I though I wanted to spend my life with?

Am I immature?
I was so convinced at this point of my life I want a family and kids.
But I am not so sure anymore.
I want again the excitement of the unknown.
I want to learn new things
I want to meet new people

Are there two of me?
One of which is hidden deep inside and occasionally comes out and messes up everything the other one has patiently built?

Or is it the same person full of contradictions, and especially, deeply confused.

Really, I don't know who I am, anymore.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Relaxing Sunday

So, today I went around to look for picture-worthy subjects, together with my love.
I haven't done that for months, now. I fogot how much I like it.

And I am especially happy L came with me. He is usually depressed on Sunday because of the impellent start of the work week, but he's on vacation tomorrow, so he was so happy and enthousiastic to do things and go places.

FIrst, I took some pictures of the Tuscolo hill.



Then, we went to Frascati, took some more pictures, then went look at a small fair. There was one especially beautyful stand, and I had to take a pic of that too!



Then some well deserved shopping. All in one morning!!!

I loved it today, it was so refreshing for me to spend a day like this again...

Friday, July 4, 2008

Coming back

So, today I went to take a walk in the town. Doing some errands.
It's really funny.
This is the town I grew up, I went to grade school, and I lived for the first 25 years of my life.
And I came back about 10 days ago. In my new apartment (who was my granfather's, but has been renewed) I still don't have a table, matching chairs, and the "office" room still needs t be assembled.

It's strange to walk around.

Things havent' changed much, faces have changed even less. I don't know who they are, but I have already seen them

It has been difficult for me to come back here, in this place. I don't like the thinking schemes of most of the people who live here.
But.
The same people could be found anywhere else.
The difference is that here I know them.

I know about the very smart girl who had to go to the high school her mom chose for her, and couldn't go to the university because that's not a place for women who get married and have children, and who has never rebeled to all this, because she was so into this way of thinking that she never considered there could be an alternative life.

I know about the girl who got admitted to the Rome Dance Academy, and who run away after a week because she couldn't stand to live on her own, because here in Italy they teach you you should always be close to your family, it's not good to go too far from them.
This drives me crazy.

And I know so many other stories like these... where the laziness, the blind acceptance of the fate is outraging.

And then, there is me.
I feel like a snob, here, sometimes.
I am the one who was never content with what the place would offer, who decided to move to the States, to come back, to live with her boyfriend without getting married - a scandal!
Who is about to refuse a remunerative 2 years job offer just because she has realized that kind of job would just make her miserable.

It's funny how people look at me when I walk. I am not wearing anything different or strange. But people just turn and look at me. They try to figure out who'se daughter I am. Who I look like. Who I am.

And then... on my way home I look down towards the green valley. And then further, to the mountains. I start remembering how I missed being surrounded by trees when I was in NY. They are still there, they cover the mountains, there are some more holes than 8 years ago, but they are there.
There are fields of grass. Some houses. All is green and fresh. The colors are brighter.
And the air smells like flowers. I had forgotten the smell of my town in the summer, but I have just realized how much I missed it.

I don't know how life will be for me in this town. My move here is just one of the 1000 things that are changing for me at this time.

But I had a sudden urge to prepare my camera for more picture to take
The camera I abandoned when I got into my depression.

There are pictures to take. Of the fields, of the trees, of the green.

Before it's all gone.
Before I am gone again

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